Sunshine

Is anybody ever the same from one day to the next, or are we always changing? I believe we are...Just, the rate of change is what varies.

I felt my heart break, a little bit, one night last week. Seeing the truth in someone you love....It can be shattering. The world is not all sunshine and daisies. ...I'm naive. That's why it hurts to know that. I like to think I am an optimist...my dad doesn't think so. He says I don't see the glass half empty or half full, but think it is fine just the way it is. Until someone breaks it, I guess... He said that was how he was, but the difference between him and myself is that he gives people only one chance, and I give more. I guess...I try to fix the glass? No..Maybe.

I watched The Dark Knight the other day. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." It's this whole...sunshine and daisies thing. Everything has it's own darkness, it's own imperfection (or, most likely, multiple imperfections). I still try to love it...or fix it. Is that hurting me? Will that take it's toll on my own neither-optimistic-nor-pessimistic spirit? I'm not really so concerned with that, even though I think the answer is yes. I wonder more, can something, or someone so broken be healed?

When I read the Bible it says God can heal all...so I know...yes. "Washed white as snow."

I'm a fool. There are no "buts" with the Bible. It's why I'm keeping myself from typing what I'm thinking. I know I am wrong...or do I? My wounded heart is having trouble grasping the concept.

I know it is yes. If everything that is so broken and dark can be healed...I can be healed too. I'm so afraid of losing my hope...but I think that fear means that I already have. Is it better to hope hopelessly for the good, or to know there is no good? How naive am I? Are my sunshine and daisies really gone?

The good is there. It's something I know, or should know. Why can't I see it anymore?

I desperately need some sunshine...some time to recover, and remove the black from my eyes.