An Overexaggeration

So I'm depressed.

About something wonderful.

I'm such a weird person.

It's a certain kind of darkness, a fog, more like. It floats around this bitter pain. It's like a hot needle, pricking repeatedly at this single spot, from which all my pain seems to stem. It brings uncertainties, questions, fears. When I wonder, for wonder I must, who and what I really am...something tells me that this pain is the essence of my being. It defines me, makes those cracks in my smiles that no one sees. How long until the ice shatters? Will I crack, as she did? It used to haunt me, that old fear, until I realized there were worse things. Worse things. What a horrible thing to realize!

Am I depressed?

Really?

In that way that brings shadows over every thought and a sharp, almost frantic fear to every moment in the dark?

The cold fingertips that brush, almost gently, and then grab with hidden strength the moment I slow down.

I'm not mad.

Not completely.



I overexaggerate. It comes with liking descriptive words...So don't worry, if you've taken the time to care. I'm alright.

Love

This past week was amazing in so many ways. It's hard to describe how different I feel. I know I learned a lot, and I've finally set some goals for myself. I'll write those down.

Become more outgoing. [important]
Start taking the initiative. [very important]
Love. [the most important]

I'm definitely verbing it this summer. I just hope and pray to God that I can keep it up.

In all honesty, I know it will be a long time before I reach my goals..and I know I'll try and fail many times. I am, by nature, a quiet person and not given to taking the initiative in an any situation. So this will be hard for me to do....