So I sat down and stared at the screen, began to write. It was easy enough. But now I'm stuck.

Trees

I really like trees. They're pretty awesome.

So. I was asked if I would submit a story to the young writer's contest this year. I really want to. But.. I haven't written an actual story since the last one I submitted. :/

I'm not sure if I can.

But I should try, right?

Dead Weight

I've got too much weighing on me. I need to push it off of my chest and stand up.

Sunshine

Is anybody ever the same from one day to the next, or are we always changing? I believe we are...Just, the rate of change is what varies.

I felt my heart break, a little bit, one night last week. Seeing the truth in someone you love....It can be shattering. The world is not all sunshine and daisies. ...I'm naive. That's why it hurts to know that. I like to think I am an optimist...my dad doesn't think so. He says I don't see the glass half empty or half full, but think it is fine just the way it is. Until someone breaks it, I guess... He said that was how he was, but the difference between him and myself is that he gives people only one chance, and I give more. I guess...I try to fix the glass? No..Maybe.

I watched The Dark Knight the other day. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." It's this whole...sunshine and daisies thing. Everything has it's own darkness, it's own imperfection (or, most likely, multiple imperfections). I still try to love it...or fix it. Is that hurting me? Will that take it's toll on my own neither-optimistic-nor-pessimistic spirit? I'm not really so concerned with that, even though I think the answer is yes. I wonder more, can something, or someone so broken be healed?

When I read the Bible it says God can heal all...so I know...yes. "Washed white as snow."

I'm a fool. There are no "buts" with the Bible. It's why I'm keeping myself from typing what I'm thinking. I know I am wrong...or do I? My wounded heart is having trouble grasping the concept.

I know it is yes. If everything that is so broken and dark can be healed...I can be healed too. I'm so afraid of losing my hope...but I think that fear means that I already have. Is it better to hope hopelessly for the good, or to know there is no good? How naive am I? Are my sunshine and daisies really gone?

The good is there. It's something I know, or should know. Why can't I see it anymore?

I desperately need some sunshine...some time to recover, and remove the black from my eyes.

Words

And I've chosen to keep these words to myself, put them somewhere no one can find them to use as weapons. For what sharper words could be found than these?

Comfort

I don't know if I've ever needed someone to comfort me before.

But.

I don't think I could ever work up the courage to ask.


So I'll just continue reading her favorite Psalm.

Rest in peace, Grandmother.

:'(

Nightmare

It's funny how you never forget a nightmare.


I see it coming at me. It’s eyes are dark and malevolent. It moves slowly, watching me, then pauses. It rushes forward.

The Innocent Ones are in my protection, but who am I to save? I feel I am incapable, and so I lose my control. My confidence shatters. The Innocents look at me with their peaceful, trusting eyes. I tense, feel fear, dread the moment when they will slip from my grasp.

I wake with my fingernails pressed into my palm, relax my hand, and see the red crescent-shaped marks.